And I thought last week went to shit…
I think film has a funny way of acting as a mood ring, filtering photos through the expectations of the photographer. This typically works in my favor. The way I see it, the film I take is a reflection of who I am and how I feel in that exposure. When sunsets and roses turn out more vibrant and romantic than the naked eye, I like to think the rose colored goggles I see the world in are translated onto film through my camera. So naturally, when a roll of film develops into something less than rosey, or doesn’t develop at all in this instance, I tend to take it personally.
This Sunday, I spent a now forgotten roll of film strolling around the Art’s District. I tend to be shy in public spaces, but can easily hide behind my lens as it hunts around rooms like a snout looking for moments to capture. I found myself and my camera exploring the discontinued section of an art themed bookstore and the backroom workshop of a locally made clothing store, all while exposing my film to each secretive moment.
I know what you’re thinking… I’m sure you’d love to see these moments. Yeah, me too, but as I began to roll the film back into the canister, (something that usually takes about a minute) the tension of the film, just, released. My heart sank.
This meant that the film hadn’t been moving as I wound it before each shot.
This meant that every time I exposed the film I was exposing the same strip of film.
This meant I had exposed one strip of film 36 times.
In short, I hadn’t taken any film at all.
I wish I could say I moved on as quickly as my film did, but it’s challenging not to feel like I somehow lost the day because I couldn’t commemorate it. Why was I so frustrated I couldn’t show off my day? Would you even believe I had a day? The whole reason I got into film was to move away from the need to capture every moment and just live in them imperfectly. Still, I was frustrated that my day was only my own personal private happy memory.
So this week, I have no new film. Despite my lack of proof, I remember the day as perfect, you’ll just have to take my word.
1 Roll a Week 
Interesting post here. What I was expecting? Of course not, but we both know you didn’t either, along with probably everyone else. What I found interesting, though, is the reflection between you hiding behind a camera, taking pictures of a backroom of a clothing store and the discontinued section of a bookstore, both places that are “hiding” in a sense, and the fact that now you can’t show your film. Funny how life works in a way that fits so perfectly with the theme of settings that are already not intended to be deeply explored. Of course, it doesn’t always work like this, but food for thought.
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Ugh I totally understand this. I work with film as well with my Canon camera and it is so easy to mess it up and its beyond disappointing and frustrating when you find out that all of your effort and time spent goes down the drain. I feel like so much of film photography is experimentation and gong out of your comfort zone. It can be embarrassing and nerve wracking to be out in public taking pictures. Definitely inspired to go out and try to take more pics!
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Checking this out after Bibler gave you a shoutout on Wednesday. Pretty sure you weren’t there but he made the point that a perceived failure can actually make for a very interesting post and I firmly agree. Obviously it is very frustrating but I like that it allowed you to write this reflective piece that I enjoyed and thought was really interesting. Looking forward to more photos!
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