Development

I am someone who always has a plan, almost to a fault….  Almost. So right now in times when all of my plans have been blown completely to shit I feel lucky.  I have my family, I have my health and I can always make a new fucking plan.  

So here it is: I’m going to develop my own film.

I realize I’m not starting a revolution here, but I’m trying to find ways to continue doing the things I love.  As I begin to feel like I’m losing the things that are important to me I am also trying to remind myself of the luxuries I do have, such as home and free time to accomplish goals I’d previously set for myself.  I had wanted to eventually develop my own film but never had the time or quite honestly the motivation to. I mean developing film seems…. Hard. Truthfully, the process of film development seems a little strenuous.  There are specific chemicals that must be kept and even more specific temperatures all under the vail of complete darkness. Black and white film requires less steps than color, naturally.  

You’d think we would have developed a better way to do this.  Oh right.

Still this seems like a lot of effort, but I keep reminding myself I have the time.  This is a time like no other and I now have time for things that take too much time. I haven’t begun this process because now that I am left with the free time I have to admit to myself the real reason I’ve never developed my own film.  I’m scared. I’m scared it won’t turn out. Free time and fear are two things I’m currently facing head on, roll of film in hand. I will let you know how it goes, or if it doesn’t. This time is showing us sides of ourselves we hadn’t expected to meet, I am trying to meet my fearful self with understanding.